The BIG News That’s Not Mine: Life’s Milestones and Personal Reflections

By herloudsilence@gmail.comRelationships

The BIG News That’s Not Mine: Life’s Milestones and Personal Reflections

Another announcement from someone in my circle, and while I’m happy for them, I’m also feeling a bit salty. It’s tough watching everyone hit those typical life milestones: finding a partner, getting married, having kids, buying a house… blah, blah, blah. I feel like the always single wedding attendee—with no plus one, not even a stand-in. Sometimes, attending these events make me feel as though something is missing in my life. They used to be fun, and I used to see them as opportunities to possibly meet someone, but now it’s come to the point where I drink a lot of alcohol to cope with my true feelings.

There was one wedding I went to, it was my friend. Although he and I were never romantically involved, and even though I was genuinely happy for him and his wife, the whole time, I kept thinking, “Why didn’t he pick me?” And how selfish of me to think that while attending someone else’s wedding (that’s probably why he didn’t pick me lol ugh)! Am I that fucked up? The audacity of my thoughts to lead me to such a place feels disgusting. Needless to say – without going into too much detail – I was pretty disappointed in myself, and pretty much lost a friend. Maybe ill make a exclusive memoir that will include ALL the details… because the story is actually pretty wild… but I’m just getting used to sharing my thoughts… baby steps. For now this is all I’m comfortable sharing.

I just wanted to be chosen…